Apprentice Final Rant

Alas, unlike the rest of the Apprentice programme, I have little to rant about in relation to the final. My biggest rant is because the Sports Personality of the Year ran over time! It’s not the same without James Corden. I was waiting for the light relief. There was none. Plus I don’t know that jockey bloke. I was bored. The only saving grace was seeing Freddie Flintoff in a suit.

To the Apprentice. Stella won. I knew she would. I love her. Yey Stella. And that was despite having all the bitchy ones in her team and the ultimate bitchy one Paloma. Beauty isn’t everything. Although I’d happily swap my loving, gentle and witty personality to look like her I have to say!

Master Blagger (Stuart) wasn’t in it. He claims he wasn’t invited to the final and was given no explanation. I reckon he threw a hissy fit at being called a lying little shit by Al and the BBC are allowing him to say that to save face. Regardless, while I was delighted not to see his slappable smug face, it did mean the final lacked my hate figure.

I'm not a one-trick pony, I'm not a 10-trick pony, I'm a whole field of ponies – and they're literally all running towards this job

And Melissa, my 2nd hate figure from the programme was quite quiet and subdued. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

And where is Al’s carbon footprint conscience? 2 cars to take Stella and Chris to the Hotel ?? What’s that about? I doubt they’ll talk tactics in the car. That’s just showing off if you ask me Alan!

Anyway, I loved the girl’s bottle and name Urbon; I thought the boys Prism looked like an overgrown bottle of perfume. And I’d never ask for a Prism and coke in t’pub!

But Stella won and that’s all that matters. Al will give Chris a job anyway sure so it’s all good. And probably Liz. I doubt he’ll give Jamie one, I don’t think he liked Jamie really. It’s ok. Jamie can be a model or something, once he gets some of that spray on hair stuff to fill in the gaps on his head.

I am feeling a bit under the weather today so haven’t got the usual energy for a full on rant, apologies. I don’t even feel well enough to rant about being unwell, that’s how unwell I feel.

I’ll soon be back on form. I’m away to watch Corrie, no doubt soaps will raise my ire sufficiently..

For comedic pleasure here are some Master Blagger quotes..

  • “I’m Stuart Baggs ‘The Brand’ – I’ve got a certain type of charisma.”
  • “I’m alive: there are so many people that aren’t alive or have died, unfortunately. I’m alive; that’s a gift, frankly. I wake up early every morning once I’ve had the sleep I need. I go out and make money.”
  • “Everything I touch turns to sold”
  • “Excuse me Sir, you look like a sausage connoisseur.”
  • “Come on ladies and Gentlemen, fancy a taste of my jellied eels?”
  • “I don’t want any arse-covering. I hate that as a practice. No arse covering – happy days!”





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