Knobs in shorts and tshirts

I have had my very first request, to rant on someone’s behalf. Clearly I do it so well.

I think I may be able to do this from time to time, providing I agree wholeheartedly on the ranting subject.

On this occasion I do. This subject actually became a Bakebook status of mine a couple of weeks back.

So.. we’re currently in the coldest winter in 100 years? Something like that. Personally I really hate wearing coats and multiple layers. I hate feeling like michelin man, having my jumper sleeves up round my elbows when I put a coat on, getting bad hair from wearing hoods and hats (mind you, that’s not particularly weather dependent, I pretty much have bad hair most of the time). But I realise that I have to bundle myself up or else my fingers/toes/assorted appendages will be in danger of falling off. I may even freeze to death under dramatic circumstances.

The majority of us do this. But not the hardest men in Britain. Not Mr Shorts and TShirt. Most commonly spotted at Tescos.. he knows that’s where most people will be once the first flake of snow falls. Panic buyers of Britain unite! (Does he stick plasters over his nipples so we can’t see that his skin is just normal skin like the rest of us and he is actually freezing his ass off too?)

On his way home from Tescos

I had my own double take moment while doing a normal shop (not a panic buy) at Tescos the other week. There he was, jauntily bouncing up and down the aisles while the rest of us shivered our way round the shop. I had an overwhelming urge to ram my trolley into his smug legs. The only thing stopping me that my reward after shopping was the KFC I was planning (I have to do this when I go shopping, or else I’ll buy everything inappropriate in the supermarket  which is exactly why I spent £62 on bugger all in Morribobs last night) and if I let my violent rage take over there’d be a whole “assault” accusation and the store manager/security would be called, possibly the police. I figured they wouldn’t accept my “perception of distance is off because the cold has iced up my contact lenses” excuse, and I was too hungry for any of that.

Ladies.. I beg of you.. if your husband/boyfriend/dad/son does this, just tell them it’s not big and it’s not clever! Please don’t let them leave the house like this. All they do is irritate the living crap out of the rest of us. Put the shorts in the summer bag in the attic and buy them some trousers. Everyone isn’t as tolerant as me.. the public will turn and there’ll be carnage in the aisles you mark my words.

(Ok.. mini self indulgent rant)  Why is it that when you get a McDonalds drive through, and it’s really busy and they make you go and wait in Bay 1 or 2, do they give you your McFlurry along with your drinks???? It’s SO annoying! You either end up eating it while you wait for them to  bring your order out (which, lets face it, 9 times out of 10, is wrong, and you have to hoke through the bags, letting the heat out and knocking the fries all over the bottom of the bag), which leaves you with no pudding after your carb filled treat dinner which is SO disappointing, or it melts!

McMushy Mess

Half of the enjoyment of eating a McFlurry is mixing all the bits in yourself!

Sort it out McDonalds!


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