I have a friend, Sarah, who told me I should start a blog as (and I quote.. these are not my words) “you are funnier than most of the sites you send me.”  This came during our weekly textfest throughout X Factor (the Saturday night final, which wasn’t actually the final, as the final was on Sunday night.. how can you have a 2 part final?? anyway….) I think I’d said something about Robbie Williams being back to spoil someone’s chances in the duets bit by being coked off his head and trying to steal the limelight while singing badly out of tune and time. Incidentally it must be in  his new Take That contract that he’s not allowed to go on live telly coked off his head – clearly he’d given his stash to Jason Orange this year.

They were on Strictly on BBC1 on Sunday night and I have no idea what Jason was doing. I can only assume he thought that his “performance” was some sort of hint that he’d like to be considered for the show next year…. I don’t think it’s going to do him any good. Gary was doing his best not to laugh, or tell him off, being the dad of the group. Anyway, where was I.. oh yes, Will I Am managed to get Cher kicked off on Saturday night by destroying I’ve Got a Feeling, him and his lego mini-me hanging around his neck. How was it possible that he was so badly out of time?? How many times has he sung that song? Perhaps Cher was distracting him with her annoying wannabe sucking up and overenthusiasm. Suffice it to say I am delighted the needy pleading brat did not make the FINAL final ie. sunday’s final, the actual final. Of course Simon is going to sign her up anyway so, alas, it won’t be the last we see of Cheryl’s little evil twin.

I have to say I hate to love the X Factor every year. Every year I try and avoid it, for all of about 3 minutes, but the cringey auditions suck me in and that’s it. I managed to avoid all of Boot Camp this year and thought I’d kicked the habit, but then I was sat in one Saturday night and was transported to the judges houses and the loveliness of Aiden and Matt reeled me in again for 2010. Sigh.

At that stage I should have known Cher would make my hate list. All that gurning (Norn Irish gurning is crying, not the English meaning of old men without their false teeth hilariously pulling faces like so..)

The week I decided she deserved to be promoted from a minor irritant to my hate list, was when she couldn’t even be bothered rehearsing a “fight song.” That is just arrogant beyond belief. Horrible brat. Anyway, she saw no point in crying when she got booted off on Saturday night at the not-quite-final Final. As my house mate quite rightly pointed out, there was no point in ruining her mascara as there was no way of her being saved so the sympathy vote would have been lost.

I would have been happy with either Matt or Rebecca winning to be fair. Clearly Matt is pretty easy to look at, and he sang quite good songs every week (amazing that Dani knew what she was doing with someone!!), but I reckon Simon will give him crap songs to sing and he’ll release one album and disappear into the ether a la Leon Jackson (I know I know “who??”.. look him up, Google is your friend). I reckon Rebecca has much more of a recording life in her, once she ditches the frightened rabbit persona. I do like her though (don’t be that shocked, I like a lot of people, but there’s no mileage in the nice people is there).

So yes, here I am, with a blog which will just contain my many rants about tv and the people I hate on tv.

I should have started this a few weeks ago when X Factor was in full swing, not to mention The Apprentice. Stuart Baggs, Master Blagger, could have had a whole blog just devoted to him. Oh the ranting I’ve done over the last whatever amount of weeks he’s been brown nosing Sir Alan. Lord Sugar is just wrong!! I’m not calling him that ever. My housemate and I have a stand off every Wednesday night over our contrasting opinions of Stella. She hates her. I love her. Stella to win!!!

I don’t think she will though. I reckon Chris might, or Joanna. God forbid Master Blagger slimes his way in there. Imagine having THAT as your boss, having your appraisal with him, having to make him coffee. The patronising, condescending, two faced, jumped up pratt. If he wins I might actually revolt and not watch it ever again (yeah yeah I know..). This week is my absolute favourite week .. interviews. And the wonderful Margaret is back!! Whatserface isn’t a patch on Margaret, Karren Brady. She always looks like she has last night’s makeup on and hasn’t washed. I’ve just googled some images of her looking trampy and pulled through a hedge backwards, and there are many pics of her from a few years ago. And she used to look quite fit! Who knew! Clearly BBC1 don’t have good makeup artists. Anyway.. she is just wet and a bit of a crap replacement for Dame Margaret the Great. I hope DMtheG tears shreds off Master Blagger this week and we see how red his face really CAN get. (If I wasn’t typing I’d be rubbing my hands together in Fagan from Oliver fashion).

I have to say this blogging is great. What a good release of my pent up aggression. I know you’d be shocked to think of me as aggressive, with my outward appearance being a picture of tranquility and placidness.

I have written 982 words so far. If only my uni work was so easy. I wonder how I could fit “ranting about inane nothingness” into an HR masters dissertation…

More rantings to follow..


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